Happy purrthday to us – karma is a beach!

This is mom with our Secretary of Transportation.

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Although a stinkie horsie, he is also our big brother. It is what it is.

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His main job is transporting mom, for example when they are getting ready to jump.

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But he is also there to cooperate with us. How is that? We will explain that.

Mom sometimes cheats on us with the barn cats. There are four of them, and we recently found this picture. WHO IS THIS!

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But things can get much worse. On September 26, 2015, it was time for a new Full Moon and all anipals except snakies that were deported to Pole up North by us know that September Full Moon means…our purrthday! Okay, we’re 8 now and we got lots of food and a scratching post, but to say that it was a happy purrthday…no.

Why not? Mom had scheduled a VET APPOINTMENT for us on that day. Really, the nerve, the disrespectfulnessiticity!

It was sometime early in the morning and suddenly she entered the PM Office with two carriers.

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We hid under the bed immediately.

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But she closed the bedroom door and we had no chance to escape. So there I went: mom, no no noooooo….what have I done to deserve this?!

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Mom, you beach, may all snakies return from Pole up North and eat you like lion eats zebra!

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And there we were. Locked up in our own influential PM Office. We should have called the cops!

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Mom placed us on the backseat of the car and made some more pictures of us before she fastened our seatbelts.

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Then she drove us towards the vet’s office. She must be evil for getting us a vet appointment for our purrthday. Look at those eyes. Triple six to the 666th power.

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At least, I got quite a few compliments from the vet. About my Baywatch posture and about my health all-over.

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Turns out that Jaya was right all the time: I am officially obese! I have 20% overweight and I am on a diet now. Fortunately, my toothies were healthy.

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But this is just plain sadism for my purrthday. How dare they! All of them!

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Mom arranged this sadist purrthday vet appointment on the early morning of Monday the 21st of September. Then she left for work and we went in a meeting with all Cabinet members. After the meeting, we had a private session with our big brother. We told him about the vet appointment and we asked him if he could help us out. He said yes.

On Tuesday the 22nd, he threw mom off his back. That’s almost two weeks ago now and she has not been riding him since as she has a bruised tailbone. Recovery usually occurs within 2-6 weeks.

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We thank you, dearest big brother, for punishing mom. She has to understand that karma is a beach. Just like she is. She deserved cruel and unusual punishment. Perfect job, big brother. Some things just can’t go unpunished. Thank you, we will never say again that you are stinkie.

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At least, not today. Horsies stink. Fact, period. And mom, what goes around comes around. We hope you learnt from it. We are the powerful PMs leading Planet Purrth and serving all anipals except snakies. You should have known.

S&J

The bestest daddie on Planet Purrth – I love you, daddie H!

A year ago, I had a great white MUSTACHE HAIR. Not whisker, no, MUSTACHE HAIR. Remember this? My great white mustache hair stayed with me for a very long time until somebody whose name starts with J and ends with AYA committed the crime of the century. She has many of those white mustache hairs so I am sure it was her.

She denied everything though. And nobody was willing to help me. Take, for example, mom. There, below. Didn’t do ANYTHING to help me with this great white mustache hair ordeal.

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Big Brother? Wouldn’t even move from where he was standing.

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And the usual suspect? Ain’t even gonna say anything about her.

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But in the meantime, my daddie, a diplomat for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, was busy using all kinds of silent diplomacy techniques to help me getting my great white mustache hair back. He made a lot of phone calls. The usual suspect was also in the room. Hypocat…crite, I mean!

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He even searched the whole desert for me. In case Jaya was hiding something out there.

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And y’all know that he managed to find my great white mustache hair. Thank you, daddie, this makes you the bestest sweetest most bootifullest daddie on Planet Purrth! I love you, ti amo, je t’aime!

Finally, mom and dad took me to a plastic surgeon. I am a Purrime Ministerette so the least I deserved was a top-notch plastic surgeon on Fifth in NYC.

And look at me. Picture taken last week.

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And now a close-up!

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Thank you, daddie, for finding my hair! Now let’s all party!

S.

P.S.: Jaya, if you ever THIEF my great white mustache hair again, I will eat you like all lions in Africa should eat that dentist. I have had this thing since I was little, you dwarf.

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Place your hoof on the Holy Bibble…revisited!

Our Secretary of Transportation no longer works for us. He resigned, something like that. Such things happen. So we took some time apart from each other in order to think of a solution. We need transportation. Mom in particular. Dad doesn’t need transportation. At least, not from a Secretary of Transportation. Dad has a motorbike.

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And we had a problem. So that required some meditation.

Thinking outside the box was necessary, but difficult!

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Jaya says I am too fat for inside-the-box-thinking. Well, outside-the-box-thinking is better anyway!

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After a few hours of mediation, we ended up in a meeting. So I said to Shiva: “Shall we appoint our new big brother?” Shiva said no and we were sure we would never come to an agreement.

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We spent quite some time discussing the issue. Sometimes peacefully…

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…and sometimes, well, you know…

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At some point, I said to Jaya: “Well, okay, perhaps we should appoint him…”

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Ultimately, I gave in and we had an agreement.

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So we purroudly present to all anipals of Planet Purrth except snakies: our new Secretary of Transportation, the guy on the left with the white hoofs!

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His main duty will be transporting mom.

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That is, as long as he doesn’t fall asleep when she is saddling him.

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The problem is that he is usually wide awake AFTER all the work has been done.

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But we do not really need this kind of transportation. Look, here we go! Click on the image to see us on the flightdeck!

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S&J

The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary

Last year in December, the pet store delivered a package at the PM office on behalf of Santa. There was quite some nice and nommy stuff in it. Look!

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There even was a bed!

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Purrfect bed for in bed!

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But there was one problem. We have been demanding (yes, demanding, that is what divalicious Purrime Ministerettes do) a printed version of The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary for long now. Santa never brought it to us. And what doesn’t come to us, we will come to!

That is exactly how it works here. So I, Shiva, took the necessary measures in order to find The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary as I had the feeling that mom and dad were hiding it. Here is what I did the day before yesterday, what they found early in the morning when they got up. I would say that I did a very good job.

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But The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary was nowhere to be found.

Mugshot usual suspect #1: dad. Denied everything and said the dictionary didn’t exist.

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Mugshot usual suspect #2: mom. Denied everything and said the dictionary didn’t exist.

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A conspurracy. So I consulted Jaya. Yes, that’s me!

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We have agreed that as we will probably have to wait until all snakies move to Mars before we will finally get a printed version of The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary, we will share the online edition instead. Now how does it work? All words written in Purrime Ministerette purrple are used by both of us. I, Shiva, have my own words. And so do I. First the word(s) as used by your elected Purrime Ministerettes serving all anipals except snakies, then the meaning and then additional information as for the grammar and how to exactly use the word(s). Off we go!

1. Proo roo poo – Here I am / Here I go ~~ Has nothing to do with poo. Stress the second syllable. Never the first or the last. Say it fast so that it sounds like proopoo. Then stress either syllable. Said slowly, however, it’s poo roo poo. Just like the difference between it is and it’s.

2. Boo roo foo – Fill bowl now ~~ So yes, foo means food, obviously. It is allowed to say broofoo. For exact grammar rules, check #1.

3. Proop – I’m jumping on/off something ~ Depending on the height of the object and depending on for how long you haven’t talked, your proop sounds either loud or is hardly audible. If it is not audible at all, nothing has been said in the first place.

4. Proo roo hoo – I smell fish ~ Also has nothing to do with poo, just like #1. For all other rules, check #1 so prohoo is allowed.

5. Proo – Hello ~ No further explanation needed.

5. Oowr ~ The word oowr is a story in itself. I say it a lot. It means a lot, it could mean almost anything, in fact. It is a very difficult word and Obeshiva has only just started saying it. The purrnunciation is a little bit hard for her. Now all repeat after me: oowr. Do it again: oowr. It is like the French word bonjour, but without the bonj and a strong w before the r. Say oowr. OOWR.

6. Ee-hoo – I’m jumping off something ~ Not to be confused with #3. Stress the first syllable. If you use ee-hoo to indicate that you are jumping ON something, that’s like saying that you have served fish instead of you’re having fish served. See the difference? So jumping OFF something: ee-hoo.

7. Broow – I am coming ~ Usually used whenever the usual suspects are in bed calling my name. Important: only use this word if you are hurrying yourself to one of your usual suspects or to both of them. If you want to indicate that you will come at your earliest convenience, don’t say anything. Then just ignore them.

8. Woow – Where are you? ~ Clear, I would say.

9. Pruh – Anything related to the F word or anything combined with it ~ And we don’t mean the word fish here. If something really annoys you, say pruh so for example pruh broofoo is a perfect sentence. Means that your friggin’ bowl has to be filled NOW. We don’t say it often though. The usual suspects know the rules. The vowel sounds like the e as in new, but as an o-like vowel is also allowed, the spelling is different. We are no friggin’ Russians (pruh Russians) here that spell everything the way they say it.

10. Mow – mom’s name ~ At least, here. Her name is Monica, but as we cannot say any consonant that sounds like a K, we stick to mow. Has nothing to do with the verb. The purrnunciation and spelling are just the same so it’s a homonym. Dad’s name is Harry. We never really say much to him.

11. Oqua – Scratching my nails on the scratching post ~ Like aqua, only with an o. Stress the o. Don’t use it too often. It is a very sophisticaTTed word. Hey Obeshiva, doublecheck #10…we can’t say any consonant that sounds like a K? Jaya, pruh!

So much for The Purrime Ministerette Dictionary. Want to learn to speak like us? Talk to us below and we will offer free lessons!

S&J

The principles of war and pees

The picture below…

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…that’s dad. In Afghanistan, 2012. War. And this picture…

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…that’s mom. Christmas, last year. Pees.

The principles of war and pees are, in fact, very easy to understand: both have to happen. We have the reputation of being cattiators. Click in the image below to see our fight for the pawwer of Rome.

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Do y’all remember the kitties before us? Nala…

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…and Zazu.

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They were royal highnesses understanding the principles of war…

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…and pees.

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Then we came. We grew up…

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…and we did some very peesful and practical teamwork.

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We made war…

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…and shared peesful moments.

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We still share peesful moments. Recently also did.

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So what’s the conclusion that we can all draw from this? War sometimes has to happen. But make more pees. Always. Not only on the litterbox.

S&J

House of Cats – top secrets revealed!

In this House of Cats, nothing is sacred. Nothing will be a secret forever. Watch our most recent movie. Purrime Ministerette Purrductions presents…HOUSE OF CATS!

Click in the image below to watch the movie!

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Back from the PM ER!

You know that Beatles song? Back from the PM ER? The PM ER, that’s where I was last night. Not for the first time though. Honestly, I was there too in the second week of January. Reason: virus. As a PM, I get scanned for viruses every day because if I don’t get scanned, I might be hacked. Just like TV5 today! But one way or another, those viruses sneak into me. Mom and dad say that as they have been giving me different food because of fat overweight obese Obeshiva since November of last year, they will now switch back to the good old stuff as my current noms might not contain enough vitamins for me resulting into a lower immune system. Can’t wait!

So off I went last night at 730. In the PM limousine, driven by mom. Finally some private time to gossip about Obeshiva.

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And see me here in the PM ER waiting room awaiting to be called by the…well, you know, that forbidden word.

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I got a water IV so within a few minutes, I looked like a football. At least I have the right colors.

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Also, I received quite some medicines that I have to take until this upcoming Sunday. These medicines help me getting rid of nausea and stimulate my appetite. Well, don’t worry about my appetite as this is me today!

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I can’t wait to be in charge of Obeshiva again. At least, when it comes to the Tunnels of Love, I am the Tunnel of Love boss. And she knows it.

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Now you wait a minute, you dwarf, I am the tallest PM and I will be in charge of YOU for nine lives! And as you STINK like the PM ER, I will have you hear my voice until you unstink.

ALL CLICK IN THE IMAGE BELOW TO HEAR MY MIGHTY LION’S ROARS!

sj20150409As long as you stink, and will probably continue to do so until at least Sunday (oh dear Cat in Heaven, bless my vocal cords!), I will have to find another partner to rule Planet Purrth with. Remember Giant VC? Well, he was here again today. More giant than ever before.

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This is true giantnessiticity at its giantest. I am VERY impressed.

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So Jaya, I am really sorry. Two times to the PM ER within less than three months is a little bit too much to my Purrime Ministeretterial excellencial opinion. Unless you start to unstink, there will be NO Tunnel of Love togetherness!

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S&J

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